Why being on the BBC is SO bittersweet.

Sitting in my bedroom as a teenager, I would secretly watch coming out videos on YouTube. It would be at bedtime after I’d have ensured my other family members were completely absorbed in their own activities. I’d double check my headphones were plugged in and my brightness set all the way down. I would sit firmly against the wall and have my phone angled away from the door, should anyone have walked in. Sidenote: when you grow up Indian, your parents do not knock. After each viewing, I would frantically delete my history just in case and remain paranoid that someone must have heard or seen me. These were the utmost necessary little lengths I had to do in order to ensure I wasn’t ‘found out’ for being gay.

These coming out stories that I watched so often were essential. Essential to my well-being and essential for my life. Initially it began as mere hopeful viewing that maybe just one day I would be comfortable enough to come out and live somewhat with a subdued existence. However eventually, after having seen one after the other, they became a driving force and an inspiration to actually be the person in the video. They empowered me more than any story I had ever heard in my life. No heteronormative Disney film could have ever provided the profound impact. Okay, maybe ‘The Lion King’ could have because lets face it, Timon and Pumba were the OG gay dads raising an adopted Simba. Regardless, the power in story sharing was incredible. It was an act of visibility and awareness to let people like me know that there is and always will be a life after ‘coming out of the closet’ and that life is what you make it. It was watching these videos and seeing these examples that made me kick open the door of the ‘closet’ which up until that point I could only ever force enough to just be the slightest ajar. This is why Pride season of 2019 has been monumental for me.

In case I haven’t shared it enough already, I sat down and interviewed with the BBC and got to share my story. It was reported nationally and globally. If this wasn’t enough, I had my Father by my side. A man who I thought I would be a disappointment too for so long was now alongside me telling others the plain and simple truth that you are born gay. For anyone who has read my previous posts before, you will know that being in the closet was not an easy ride for me mentally. For a period of twelve years I prepared for the absolute worst but it was the coming out videos and blogposts which gave me hope that a positive narrative for my life was possible. Therefore, I promised myself that if I were to come out, I would one day make my own coming out video.

Fast forward to 2019 and thankfully I can write this post and say that my positive and uplifting narrative was obtained. I eventually did make my own coming out video. However... it wasn’t just for YouTube as I had originally planned. It was on First Dates and it was part of a whole damn news segment. With a supportive parent.

I’m that bitch.

This is such a bittersweet thing to say. Although I am so happy and relieved for my own sake to be ‘accepted’ and be given a platform to share on, I truly recognise that I am just a small fraction of ‘accepted gay people;’ within my religious and ethnic community. This is not an achievement until we all are.

Not only was this a full circle moment for my life but more importantly, it would fill an essential gap in the LGBT space for South Asian representation. From all the coming out videos I watched, not one of the people were South Asian or Muslim. Sure similarities were there but they weren’t 100% in the same situation. I am happy to step into that gap but I want there to be more people like me. So far I only know a handful of brilliant people who are visible for our particular ‘minority within a minority’ community. A handful is not enough. For a change to be made we need more people to step forwards and be visible. Thereby, this post is a call upon all of you who are reading this and identify as LGBT and South Asian, from whatever religious background. Yes coming out is deeply personal but it’s also powerful. There’s power in numbers. If more and more of us can come out and be prepared to educate, the greater our LGBT movement can be accelerated and the further down the path towards a better world we go. You can find much more happiness within yourself and respect from others in being authentic than living for someone else’s ideals.

This is a strong request of course. It took me a long while to reach this mindset. Initially I was plagued with same fear of rejection and the ‘shame’ (eye-roll) I would bring to my family. But then I realised the impact my coming out could have because it simply opens the

conversation. Opening the conversation is what led to my family turning their opinion around and see homosexuality from a different perspective, so I want to apply that approach through any means possible to the wider religious and south-asian community.

Just like how we cannot fathom that the world once had the popular opinion to treat an entire race unequally based off of ‘religious teachings’, future generations won’t be able to fathom the inequality suffered to LGBT people due to same reason. Your coming out will put you on the right side of history and those who are against you on the wrong side. It all starts with coming out and a conversation.

Sam.